WAITING

I've been sitting here staring at the computer screen for 10 minutes. I have so much to say but I just can't seem to find a jumping off point.

Brady is expecting orders to Afghanistan. He will likely be gone within the next month. I really need to express my feelings about it but they are all jumbled up inside me and can't seem to come out.

Deployments are a part of our life. They are not bad. I actually feel like our marriage is much stronger because we have faced long periods apart.

What is that saying. . . ? Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Well, it is true.

I've noticed that we are less likely to argue over trivial things. And we don't take the hours and minutes we have together for granted. Our marriage is not perfect, by the way. But we understand how fragile a marriage can become when it's put to the test. Human emotions are not always rational but there is no denying how intense they can be. The important thing is to be aware of your stressors and use them to mold your character. Well, I guess that is my personal philosophy and it will be tested very soon.

The real reason that I find this particular deployment to be difficult is that my son will turn 8 years old while his daddy is away. The date for his baptism will come and go and daddy will not be there to lead him down into the water.

Jet has wanted to be baptized since he was a Sunbeam in Primary. He was always very aware of how many years he had to go before he could be baptized. Whenever he would talk about it, I was always impressed. I can't remember thinking that much about my baptism when I was little. When Lex started to memorize the articles of faith, he pestered her mercilessly until she helped him learn the 8th one. He thought it must be the most important because it was #8.

Oh, my little boy, how can I help him through this?

We are going to let him choose whether or not to wait and be baptized when Brady gets home. There are many people who could do it for him if he chooses to be baptized right after his birthday. The choice to be baptized is a pretty big one and I feel guilty adding this second choice to it. I've talked with him a couple of times about the choices he can make and it was heartbreaking to see the alligator tears rolling down his cheeks. He is such a strong little person. One time he reached up and wiped the tears away and stared straight ahead. He looked just like Brady in that moment.

I've been sorting pictures and came across this one. It's probably what prompted me to sit and stare at the computer. This is Jet as a new little Sunbeam. His teacher gave him a Book of Mormon and he used to "read" it every night before bed. One night I found him like this.


xoMJ